I had a very humbling embarrassing and frightening moment today. I think what frightened me most was how quickly I became that "ugly person" in the midst of a national crisis and a global pandemic. I feel compelled to share with you how easy it is to be "over the edge" of the precipice when least expected.
My sweetheart and I were taking our walk today. It's an absolutely beautiful, new england fall color day. What could go wrong?
We had just crossed the street in Holliston, MA where we like to walk, and a bright red car pulled out of the parking lot behind us, and as the driver started to pass us, he rolled down his window and said in a loud voice "you know what I hate about masks"....
every neuron in my body fired with those words. panic, fear, terror, rage... how could this complete stranger assault us for wearing our masks while we walked??? I instantly saw a threat, a danger, I didn't want to let him say one word more because i was so very frightened. I barely registered his next words, as I lunged towards his car flipping him off and started yelling at him as he said...
"... I hate that we can't see the beautiful faces of such pretty women"...
He wasn't threatening, he wasn't menacing, he wasn't being mean in any way at all. But I had reacted viciously and meanly, out of the terror and fear that seems to be so much a part of our world.
My sweetie walked around me to be between me and the car, pulling me away and urging me to calm down. The driver, remaining friendly, said some other kindly things I didn't even hear before driving off.
Half a block later, i bent over and cried, cried for the adrenaline and terror that had over taken me and cried over my vicious reaction that so completely took over my normal calm and peace keeping self. I'm embarrassed, and sorrowful, that I returned a kind intention with such anger and hatred. I had been terrified, but my terror had controlled me and kept me from hearing what was really being said. He wasn't attacking my mask, he wasn't criticizing, he was just remarking, being friendly on a new england sunny fall day, that some beauty was being lost on the world... me.
What have we become? What have I become?
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